After arriving for work this morning, I mentioned to my lovely (and very cool) manager Tina my predicament. She was very sympathetic and tossed out the suggestion that, if we were slow, she might be able to cut me loose so I can meet my idol. Sadly, though, our business was not slow, and we were hopping all day long. I saw my chances to meet The Prince of Darkness dwindle with every minute that passed, and I soon lost all hope. Feeling dejected, I escaped outside at 3:00 pm for a quick smoke and Tina joined me. I told her my chance had passed and Ozzy would surely be off to some insane adventure by the time I clocked out. Tina then suggested something that, although very simple and obvious, I had never thought of. She said, “Why don’t you just call B&N and ask them if he he’s still there and, if so, how long he’ll be there.” Brilliant! My adorable manager just did my thinking for me! My hope was now restored! After I punched out, I called and was told that A) Yes, Ozzy was still there, B) The waiting line to see him was massive, and C) He would there until 6:00 pm or until the book supply ran out. It was now 4:15pm. I still had a chance!
Considering that I had left my copy of “I Am Ozzy” at home, I would have to roll the dice and hope their supply wasn’t exhausted by the time I got there. I hit the road and broke every conceivable traffic law known to man, and I arrived at the book store in 30 minutes.
After arriving, I searched high and low for a parking space, which took an additional 15 minutes, and hustled to the front door and the platoon of security guards flanking it. I was told there were maybe 15 copies of the book left inside and I had better get my ass in there quick. I did as ordered and cursed my lack of foresight while buying my second copy of Ozzy’s autobiography. But I was smiling ear to ear because I had made it! I was then herded to the end of the line of people waiting to have their copies signed. I sent out a couple texts to friends telling them I indeed was going to meet Mr. Osbourne and ogled at all of the fine looking ladies also waiting in line. It was then and only then, that I had time to think.
I spent the next 45 minutes rehashing memories in my head of the man I was about to meet. I was about to meet OZZY. The man who helped forge Heavy Metal in Birmingham, England with Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward in the guise of Black Sabbath. The first true Heavy Metal band, and the best of all time. The man who was subsequently FIRED by Black Sabbath, but arose from the ashes like a Phoenix by plowing his own way to stardom with a stellar solo career. The man who conspired with the late, and since canonized, Randy Rhoads on the stunning releases of “Blizzard of Ozz” and “Diary of a Madman”, only to lose him in a plane crash, which I don’t think he has ever gotten over. The man who bit the head off a dove during a press conference promoting “Blizzard…” and also, quite mistakenly, the head of a live bat he mistook for a rubber prop on stage. The man who, according to Metallica, snorted up lines of living ants off the ground in the early morning hours after a night of heavy partying. The man who was arrested for pissing on The Alamo, for Christ’s sake!
I remembered the first rock concert I ever attended. It was 1982. I witnessed the Diary of a Madman tour and I was 12 years old. St. Randy was still alive and I was completely mesmerized by the set. It will always live on as the greatest show I ever saw. I have seen Ozzy many other times since, both solo and with the resurrected Black Sabbath. I remembered being the misfit pre-teen that I once was who looked to Ozzy’s music as guidance when I was feeling low. Who could completely relate to “Goodbye To Romance”, “Crazy Train”, “You Can’t Kill Rock ‘n’ Roll”, and more lately in life truly understood “Suicide Solution” and “Flying High Again”. I remembered the child who wrote “OZZY RULES” on every blank piece of parchment he could find. The kid who explored Black Sabbath without abandon during his experimentation turned love for pot. The young man whose life ended up mirroring Ozzy’s in so many ways, yet only the dark ones and not the successful ones. I thought of the man I am today who still admires the Hell out of Ozzy for still being alive, still hurdling obstacles, and still succeeding. And I thought of how, after all that he’s gone through and all he’s survived, I still want to be just like him.
When my time came to hand over my book to the B&N employee to be put in front of John Michael Osbourne for signing (opened to the title page as instructed), my stomach lurched and I realized this was my only chance. He was not interacting with any of the fans. He was obviously very tired and I sympathized with him. He was surrounded by bodyguards and the line of people went past him almost silently. I didn’t hear anyone speak to him. As I approached and entered his presence, I didn’t appear before him as the 40 year old hardened man that I am today. I entered his space as the prepubescent 12 year old boy I once was, who worshipped the ground Ozzy walks on. As he was signing, in the brief five second space of time I had with him, everything and everyone else disappeared. It was only Ozzy and I in a 3 ft. by 3 ft. box. Nothing else mattered to me. As he signed, I leaned forward and said three words, “Thank you, Ozzy”, and it was then that I realized I wasn’t thanking him for just signing the book. Fuck the book. I was thanking him for everything. Everything he had done for me and everything he had meant to me for my whole life. As I spoke, and this realization hit me, a lump formed in my throat and my voice cracked while I held back tears. I didn’t care. I still don’t care. I wanted him to know how much he has impacted my life. He didn’t notice and I don’t think he cared. He moved my book over and reached for the next one. I did not take this as an insult, and my love and admiration for him did not fade. He was tired and sick of being on the road yet again. I said what I have wanted to say to him for almost 30 years. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart and am satisfied. Ozzy will always be a god to me.
Thank you for the push Tina.
Skull






































